fantasyangxl: do you dislike that woman
snow2punkl: i hate her
fantasyangxl: i heard the attitude
fantasyangxl: lmao why?
snow2punk: where to start
Yeah. Basically my Step Mom informs me this woman will be coming over to perform some light accounting work for the business.
The woman is over maybe 5 minutes before she taps me on the shoulder. I’m naturally aggravated being asked to take off the big ass headphones. Yes, what do you want Accountant?
Accountant: Step Mom said I could use the wireless mouse you are using.
I glimpse back in time to yesterday afternoon when Step Mom has oh so thoughtfully bestowed upon me this bluetooth mouse.
I probably gave her too much credit there, she wasn’t doing this for me. My guess was she had had enough of my trackball borrowing from her and dad.
It’s K i don’t like trackballs anyway.
Now mind you, this bitch is like 80.
Me: Oh, ok. She didn’t mention anything to me.
Me: Need me to hook it up for you?
The Accountant: NO I’M NOT STUPID I CAN GET IT
I’m legitimately taken aback.
Fine take the fucking mouse you bitch.
I vow no eye contact with this broad for the rest of eternity.
Now I’ll be honest, somewhat. I’ll admit I have a temper. I won’t admit I was out of line.
The Accountant leaves and I find it within my interest to repossess my mouse.
The mouse is fucking gone.
Hmmm, where to start? Umm let’s see… THIS CUNT STOLE MY FUCKING MOUSE.
Step Mom later assesses the situation and insists I say nothing.
Ah yes, you are fortunate to find text underneath that last line. Cause the plot thickens.
The plot always thickens.
It’s next month already. The Accountant is indefinitely receiving the Eric Wise cold shoulder, quite brutal if you’ve never been so unfortunate.
I’m walking down the hall to package up the recently sold Hello Kitty beach towel and…
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL
The 80 year old female accountant has desecrated the lavatory.
Did this bitch not notice the second fan switch in the bathroom that is equipped in every modern home?
Don’ try to cut her some slack, it was only her and I present.
The Accountant again leaves and I have the need to relieve myself of the amounting K cups I’ve downed.
I unzip and look down…
Look down to find a massive shit stain in the toilet.
The Accountant couldn’t be bothered with the strategically placed brush on the left of the toilet, or right depending on if you are sitting.
So flash forward to today. I let this bitch in after her cigarette break. The accountant is astoundingly angry. I’ve-been-knocking-for-5-minutes angry.
For the record, I would have let her in sooner had Adam and I not been partaking in our tribute to Black Sabbath today.
Accountant: You locked me out
Me: Umm… no. Unlock the fucking door before you go outside, or better yet leave it cracked open.
It’s at this time where Adam IMs me that aim conversation, despite the fact we are sitting a foot apart from each other.
Adam is hysterically laughing as I furiously type the above story in not so elegant words (although with a lot more cussing).
Adam: DUDE HOW HAVE YOU NOT WRITTEN ABOUT THIS?
So here ya go. Tomorrow we’ll be furthering our voyage through the Iron Maiden discography and Easter egg hunting for the K cups Step Mom has hid from us, I invite you to join.
Best day ever!