A standard Tuesday night really. I shy away from my usual rounds on Reddit to make sure I’m up to speed, as far as the torrenting community goes. But wait what’s this? I spy with my little eye… DUKE FUCKING NUKEM FOREVER?! I rub my hands together in typical sinister fashion.

I don’t think I get more than a hundred megs deep before I hear the cease and desist scream from Adam’s room with the accusation that I am sucking up all the bandwidth. Again.

I now find myself not playing the game 12 years in the making and instead bitching about the reasoning behind it in this here bloggity.

Allow me to devote this line to my service provider: Suck it AT&T. For many reasons I do not wish to describe because I value my reputation of being a… what’s the opposite of techno-weenie?

Monday 10PM

Alan: WHAT THIS GUY DOESN’T KNOW IS THAT I’M… I’M FRIENDS WITH THE FUCKING ADMIN. NO DUDE I’M GONNA HAVE HIS FUCKING ASS BANNED! WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS FUCKING PROBLEM?!

I arise from my slouched posish in this comfy ass office chair accordingly. Any form of racket generating a volume higher than my infamous big ass headphones is deserving of my attention. Such situations tend to possess highly comedic properties.

Just what the fuck is going on here anyway? I do hate to sound cliche but I find the phrase appropriate- some stones are just better left unturned.

I find Alan in the hallway. The fucker is still in his work clothes despite clocking out hours ago. He’s (what us PC gamers call) RAGING. RAGING like the fucking lunatic that he is. RAGING because somewhere in some other place on this planet a fellow nerd is sitting behind his monitor attempting to destroy all the fruits of his effort.

You know when someone’s getting a little too chatty in your ear about subjects you couldn’t give a fuck about? And then you inquire further anyway? And then you realize how much of a fucking retard you are?

I’ll spare you by summarizing the eye-rolling babble that ensued when I rubbed salt in the wound. Another player is “trying to burn my shit down”, and by shit he means his digital house.

I’ll say it again. His digital fucking house.

Yet I inquire further.

Why Eric? WHY?!

Because it’s Monday night BRAH, I ain’t got shit else going on.

I enter Adam’s room to find Adam, Jared and Colt all playing the same shit.

I skip the eeny meeny miny mo kindergarten shenanigans and choose the most viable source to get a no-bullshit answer from. Colt.

Me: Just what the fuck is this?

Colt: The game is called Minecraft. Look man, Alan said it best: it’s like computer Legos.. you mine shit, you build shit, you craft shit.

Me: So ummm, what do you do after you build shit?

Colt: You mine more shit and you build more shit.

I lack to comprehend the value of the game but identify the name to be strikingly accurate.

Adam: ERIC YOU GOTTA TRY IT

Fuck no.